Sometimes, it doesn’t feel like I’ve been gone for that long and yet, as I sit here, I feel incredibly heartbroken by the things that I have seen during those 257 days.
My time here in Thailand is coming to a close and is perhaps the most influential month on the race for me. I have found a passion working with the women, lady boys, bar owners, men, etc. I deeply love those people that I see as I walk through the bars. These women that I have built relationship with have my heart. When I say I love them, I mean I want/NEED to fight for them.
I haven’t written any blogs prior because it is incredibly hard to put into words the things that I see. There is such a need for love. Not the kind of love that uses or is fake. The REAL kind of love, Jesus’s faithful, everlasting love. As I walk the bars at night, I see women standing on the outside, trying to lure men in. Some even go as far as to grab and pull them in. I have seen men publically grope girls. I see my friends leave with customers that have bought them for the night. I see teenagers as young as thirteen working the bars. I see young children selling flowers, not being able to sleep until the flowers are sold.
So much darkness. So much pain. So much hopelessness.
It is so easy to just blame the men or even the bar owners. Some people would go as far as to say that it’s the girls choice to make that kind of living.
However, that’s not what I actually see. When I look with my heart, what I perceive breaks me. It’s all a heart condition. Men desperate enough for love to go and pretend that the girl that they bought is their girlfriend or even wants to be there with him. Men lustfully going after the girls because they are trying to fill that hole in their hearts. The girls feeling trapped in their job, that there is no choice and no other way other then to sell their bodies and time to the highest bidder. It’s literally all a heart condition!
I know these girls and I know these lady boys. Their hearts are so beautiful! It is so clear that the Lord created them beautifully and wonderfully! The girls that I have gotten to know don’t desire or look forward to go with the men.
I will never forget this for as long as I live. I was eating dinner with one of my closest friends, Anne (name is changed). I took it to her in the bar because she couldn’t leave the bar that night. One minute we were laughing and giggling like girls do. She had just showed me a picture of her adorable little son, whom lives with her mom hours away. She was so beautiful! Her smile was radiant. The next it was gone. One of her regular customers had walked in to take her for the night. One second she was herself and the next, she was working and protected behind a mask of uncaring. When she looked at me, I could see clear disappointment in her eyes that she had to leave. It broke my heart.
These are the moments when I don’t have words to even pray. I look around myself and all I see is brokenness. Reflecting back on the past couple of months, it devastates me. I have worked with orphans, kids that are abandoned by their parents or are left to the streets. I have worked with people with AIDS. I have given food to children, whom that meal might be the only one they get…all day. Even at home in the United States, teenage girls, really women in general, are trying to push themselves into the mold of beauty that our culture puts us in…
Human trafficking.
Sex trafficking.
Police brutality.
Abandonment.
Eating Disorders.
Depression.
Drug Addictions.
Rejection.
Cutting.
Suicides.
Work out obsession
Really Beauty obsession
Hopelessness
Pornography
Silenced voices
Abuse
Bullying
Homelessness
I am bombarded by the complete brokenness that our world is in. Our world desperately needs Jesus! We fool ourselves into thinking that we can do things on our own.
I yearn for justice to be brought to those in chains. I yearn for even the oppressors to meet the Redeemer! I yearn for the day when Jesus will come! The day when Satan will be sent back to where he came from. The day when there shall be no more tears and no more pain.
There is a song from The Story that matches the cry of my heart….
I’m a man in the land of giants, I’m the cry of a thousands dreams
I’m the shoulders holding a nation high enough to still believe
We remember the chains we carried, won’t forget about the day we left
Every hearts still beats with hope of a promise made, a promise kept
Yahweh, oh Yahweh, bring us a new day
Bring us home, lead us to the highest wall
Every single stone will fall, we have never walked alone
Only You can bring us home
No mercy in the high noon desert, no shadow gonna block the sun
Still covered in dust from all our yesterdays and days to come
Every turn is a new temptation, you want to bow down to something new
As for me and my generation we’ll serve no one but You Yahweh, oh Yahweh, bring us a new day
Bring us home, lead us to the highest wall
Every single stone will fall, we have never walked alone
Only You can bring us home
Every teardrop in the sand longing for a distant land
We have never walked alone
Only You can bring us home
You are fire in the night sky; You are cloud by day
We’re calling on the name of Yahweh
In seven days everything was made
And in a week, it’s crazy how everything can change
Yeah, and we gonna march around this wall
‘Til we hear the Lord’s call hoping life will never be the same
So when your life is all a wilderness
And your darkest night is every one you took a breath
All you know to do is follow hoping for a new tomorrow
Where your sorrows don’t exist and pain is put to death
As we stomp around a seventh time I anticipate a taste of what He says is mine
Cry, cry, until you see it fall till you look beyond a wall
And you see it all.
Bring us home, (Take us to the place that we belong)
Every single stone will fall, we have never walked alone
Only You can bring us home (Bring us home, yeah)
In the background, a woman cries YAHWEH! YAHWEH! BRING US A NEW DAY! In her voice, you can hear the desperation.
Seeing these things, only brings me to the conclusion that when God says that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life, He really does mean that Jesus is the only way, the only truth, and the only life. He was sent to answer this desperate cry for help.
I am overwhelmed. Literally, the only words I can pray is Jesus! JESUS! He literally is the only answer. He is our hope, our Healer, our Sustainer, our Redeemer, our Rescuer, our Defender, our Protector, and the list goes on!
This Easter, as we remember how BLESSED we are to have Jesus, PLEASE pray for those that haven't had that desperation met yet. Pray BOLDLY that Jesus will release himself, that there will be a revolution unlike any that has been seen!
The orphans WILL be claimed and repeatedly told how VALUABLE and WORTHY they truly are.
The women in the bars will be filled with hope for their dreams to be fulfilled! They will be given a way out of the bars!
The pimps's will be given Jesus's eyes and will actually become men of God. They will become leaders of revolutions to stop sex trafficking.
The men whom are buying will see that the thing that they are searching for, the love that they are looking for is Jesus and Jesus only.
Those trapped in trafficking will be FREED in Jesus's name! Not only that, but they will not be trapped in shame and will be covered in purity.
The hopeless will receieve so much hope, love and joy!
Thailand will be a place known for the joy of the Lord!
Swaziland will not die out in 2050, but will be a place of LIFE! It will rise up as a leader of the nation.
Those with AIDS and sickness will be HEALED and their testimonies will bring others to know Jesus!
Women around the world will know that they are beautiful, mighty daughters of the King! That the standards of beauty of their culture will NOT define them and will fall off their shoulders.
As a World Racer, one thing that we are accustomed to by now is change. We are changing all the time. Flexibiity is our middle name. So…here we are. Month 9. Completely different continent. Completely different team. Completely different time.
I am now in Chang Mai, Thailand living with my new team, Team Tangled. We call this month Man-istry month. The boys go off into who knows where and do their man thing, while the girls break off into new teams and go off into the red light district. After the month is over, we return to our previous teams.
My team consists of Emily Mitchell (leader), Olivia Gill, Natalie Reeves (previous teammate), Jenna Kehrli, Amanda Dorough, and Lauren Ricks. This month we are living with a team of five girls, Nicole Ransom, Kursti Bailey, Jessica Montenegro (also previous teammate), Jamie Ham (a previous PREVIOUS teammate), and Ricki Vick. I have already had an amazing time living with these girls.
Lauren, Jenna, Emily, Olivia, Amanda, Me, and Natalie
This month, our ministry is Lighthouse In Action. They have various branches associated with LIA, but more specifically, we are working with Love Acts. Love Acts is the slum outreach and red-light district ministry. We are going to go out into the bars and build relationships with the girls and ladyboys and just love on them with the love of Jesus.
What I love about this ministry is they are all relational. We were told to not talk about Jesus until relationships are built. Instead, we are going to just love on these people, to be their friend. There are people who want things from them all the time and so just hanging out with them because of who they are and not for what they can give goes a long way. I can’t even describe to you how PUMPED I am about this ministry!! This is my passion!
My senior year of college, I had to write a fifteen research page paper on human trafficking and so let me give you the run-down on this in Thailand.
Human trafficking generates over $12 billion in Thailand EVERY YEAR. Yes, there are laws that forbid human trafficking in Thailand, but because of the huge economic gain from profits, the government very rarely enforces and supports these laws. “Thailand is also a trafficking hotspot because it is a source, transit anddestination country. Being a source country means that Thai and hill tribe women aretrafficked from Thailand into other locations such as Japan, South Africa and Europe and
even all the way to the United States and Canada” (Humantrafficking.org). Often times
these women and girls are tricked by labor recruiting agencies saying they will find them
work if they pay a certain sum of money. Once the women are in debt to these organizations, they are forced into sexual exploitation and must work in brothels. Along
with being a source, it is also a transit country allowing for women to travel across its
borders to be trafficked in other countries. Often times they travel through major urban
centers and border areas. In addition to source and transit, Thailand is also a destination
country where women are brought from other locations such as Burma and China to be
trafficked within the nation. The demand for women is high and the industry continues to grow because of the quantity of foreign men that visit Thailand for the sole purpose of prostitution. Most of these girls are taken from rural areas and because of lack of education, employment and health care services for these people, families continue to send their daughters into the city with the promise of “work” only to find themselves sexually exploited.
Obviously, I could go on and on about this. It's my passion. However, I'll wrap this up asking you to continue to keep us in your prayers as we join in the fight against human trafficking and prostitution here in Thailand.
What if your job was to sell your body to a countless amount of men? To be told that you were worth no more then $66 dollars for a night? To feel the hopelessness of no way out?
That is the reality of these girls that prostitute themselves for a living. Yes, some are there by “choice”, while others have been actually trafficked into prostitution.
Our first night, we were told to just walk through the bars and see what we were going to be going into. What I saw sickened me, yet broke my heart at the same time. I saw young girls sitting on men’s laps. Most men were in the upper fifties. I saw college boys on spring break heading into the bars. However, what got me most of all was the looks on these girls faces as they entertained their customers. It was all fake. Their smiles were trained. What they were doing was the norm. It was their job. These women are surrounded by fake love everyday. Men pay to use them for their bodies.
one of the main bar strips
The prices for time with these women…
$2 for a soda and a conversation $10 for a day date $12 for an hour at night $66 for a whole night
Part of our ministry will be going on dates with these girls. We won't be telling them about the love of Jesus, but showing them through our actions this love that doesn't ask anything of them. (Our ministry is very insistent on building relationships first before bringing Jesus up in conversation). I want to love exceptionally and supernaturally well this month. I want God’s love, His everlasting, faithful, constant, devoting love, to exude from myself.
These dates that we will be having can include us going to get our nails done, walking the markets with them, treating them to coffee, and various other activities. We get to just be girls with them! Something that I just happen to be VERY good at!
However, these dates do cost money. I don’t want finances to play a part in my not being able to treat these girls to a moment/day to themselves. If you would like to help me date these women, please leave a comment on this blog (or facebook message me OR email me at slofhc@mail.missouri.edu) letting me know how much you would like to donate, and I will have the checks sent to my mom whom will put them directly into my bank account.
Even if you are unable to give money, I still need HEAVY prayer over our time here. Please pray spiritual protection over us. Pray for supernatural energy (we are staying out till midnight on some nights) and health.
These are my kids. Every morning, I wake up and yearn to go and hug them. This is the first month where my heart is literally attached to ministry. Don’t get me wrong, I have connected with past ministries and the people that we have built relationships with. However, not like this. My heart beats, seriously BEATS, for my babies.
In a couple of days, we are leaving. Three to be exact. Every time I think of it, my stomach turns sour.
I have learned how to love again here and boy does it HURT.
Without my even knowing it, the past hurts and betrayals had left me numb. I had put up a wall between everyone. I would love them and let myself love them, but never to the point that it hurts. People had always seemed to leave me so why get my heart in that deep. My team had tried to get past that wall for the two months we were together, but I hid behind it and I was NOT coming out.
In comes my babies. There is just something about kids that leaves a person vulnerable and defenseless. I mean you can’t NOT love those little smiles and giggles.
I am in love with my kids. I love them so much that it is physically tearing my heart to pieces in leaving them. I was in love with them in five days, just think about how much my heart beats for them after four weeks.
It seems like such a short time, but already I have seen growth spurts, potty successes, crawlers, and even new words.
I have held them and rocked them to sleep when the chicken pox epidemic hit (it swept through the whole nursery). I have started potty training with them. I have changed their diapers, bathed and fed them, been thrown up on by them, swam, played, disciplined, etc…
My favorite sound is when I hear “Samamfa” or “Amfa”. My favorite thing is when they run to me with their arms stretched out wanting a hug and a kiss.
That wall has been broken, no really shattered, because of these darlings. Yet, here I am, leaving. And it hurts. It hurts BAD.
I know that God has them in His hands, that He even loves them FAR GREATER then I.
That knowledge is all that is getting me through this goodbye.
(Written in South Africa, however, I am now on my way to Swaziland)
Fact. I LOVE South Africa
Also fact. I LOVE TLC orphanage.
Coming here, I was a LITTLE apprehensive about this month. Our day starts out at six a.m. and ends at 7 p.m. with few breaks in between. OH BOY! The first day didn’t make me feel any better. One day literally felt like three weeks. No joke. At team time that night, I broke down in hysterical laughter (you know, the kind that happens when your dead tired). It was that bad.
And then the next day I fell in love. It has been only five days and I do not know how I am going to leave this place. The children have stolen my heart. There are three age groups that we work with: the Grubbies, the Creepies, and the Lions (the Grubbies being the babies). I change diapers, bathe babies, wash countless of bottles, and give even more airplanes and kisses. I am also pretty sure that my voice is stuck several octaves higher and pretty soon I’ll start talking to adults like I talk to babies….oh and not to mention smell like baby formula for the rest of my life.
All that is named is also done in ONE DAY, EVERY DAY.
I’m a mom. I’m on the job, 6 days of the week, for hours on time. Yet I’m okay with that because my heart beats for these beautiful babies. I have specifically fallen for the Lions. They are the oldest in the nursery, about two years old. Little stinkers they are, all of them. It would seem that I always love the troublemakers.
Martin, Maya, Sindi, Faye, and Noel
Like a mom, I want to talk about my babies and tell their stories.
First and foremost, I’ll start off with my beloved Noel.
I know we aren’t supposed to have favorites, but he is for sure one of mine. I met him the first day. His favorite saying is “What you doing?” and “Lets listen to Waka Waka eh eh! Waka Waka eh eh!” or known as Waka Waka (It’s Time for Africa). He can’t really say my name and so calls me “amfa”. You try saying no to someone calling you that in the cutest voice imaginable.
He is the most wonderful little boy. His smile may seem angelic, but he sure knows how to push our buttons. Probably why I love him so much.
His story, among the others, breaks my heart. He was abandoned at the hospital and weighed less than three pounds. He was born with hydrocephalus (which is why his head is so big) and leopard syndrome (and why his skin is spotted).
There is also sweet little Maya.
She is also one of my favorites. Her favorite sayings are “Wha?” and “What’s that?” to about everything imaginable.
She was abandoned at the hospital as well. She arrived with tuberculosis and measles, which is one of the reasons why she is so small. My little Maya is also HIV positive.
I love this girl SO incredibly much. SO incredibly much.
Martin, Martin, Martin.
He is a punk and he thinks he’s the FUNNIEST person ever when he disobeys. I love love love him. He always talks with this funny little voice. Actually, it kind of resembles Kermit the frog in a way.
He was also abandoned at the hospital, but his mom would visit him here. The hard fact is he is HIV positive. However, when he came to TLC he wasn’t. One day, his mom visited him and breast-fed him (without the knowledge of the volunteers and against regulations) and that is why he now has it. Those kind of things are so hard for me to grasp.
Precious Faye.
Her smile can light up a room. Oh and not to mention she loves movies. No matter if she has seen a movie several times, she is fascinated by it.
This beautiful girl was abandoned in a plastic bag in a field. A plastic bag. In a field. Because of the oxygen that was cut off to her brain during that time, she has Cerebral Palsy. She can’t walk and talk. Faye is reliant on others for most things.
Oh Sindi. My cute little stinker.
This girl has also stolen her way into my heart (are you seeing a trend?). She likes to push buttons and is super smart. She doesn’t take naps and so her and I have had some decent one on one times. This includes piling clean laundry on us and scaring people who pass by, swimming, or me putting her in time out. Personally, I prefer the first two.
Sindi is from Jackson’s, which is the slum area that is near TLC. Jackson’s is where her mom lives. Her mom brought Cindi to TLC because her husband had took a machete to her. She, the mom, was all torn and bloody.
Yep, it's THIS blog...the FINANCIAL one. GET EXCITED!!!
So, the final support deadline is here. Who knew that it would creep up so stealthy, sly like??
January 1st
I need to have $15,500 in my account by this date in order to continue forward. The awesome thing is I only need..
$2,697
Can I hear a WHAT WHAAT?! Thank you SO SO much to all those that have supported me both financially and prayerfully. Seriously. Even my friends whom I KNOW barely have two pennies to buy them some ramen have given so much. It is crazy how many people believe in me and what I am doing! So encouraging.
So now comes the awkward and hard part.
As much as I wish that I can just find a bag of money underneath a tree like in Shawshank Redemption (just watched that movie for the first time last night), I can't. As much as I would LOVE that, this is real life.
Even though I still need money, I'm legitamitely not worried. I know for a fact that i'm not done here. I'm not going home because of a little thing like finances. There are still women and children that I haven't loved on. There is so much more!
However, I still need help. I boldly ask that you will help support me and help me reach the final deadline. No amount is too small. I have even had a beautiful 5$ donation. Every amount given is one step closer and one less dollar to being fully funded.
So here I am, asking you to help me. Please partner with me in this.
If you are fully onboard, then all you need to do is click on THIS. It will take you to the place where you can donate.
Anyways, I love you all and I hope that your Christmas is full of laughter and peppermint hot chocolates!
For my supporters, here are some wonderful people that are near and dear to my heart. I have been able to meet them and build friendships with them because of you.
Welp. It is already time for another continent change. We will be going from freezing cold to hot.
AFRICA!!!!
So nuts.
My team and I will be staying in Johannesburg, South Africa this month working with the TLC orphanage . We will be living near the nursery and so I am guessing that most of our work will be with the babies! However, the orphanage covers children from 0 to 18. I am so excited!! We will be getting up at six in the morning to begin work (haven't done that since I was in college and had to cram...yay? Pass the joe please!).
We are even in charge of a Christmas and New Years party for the kids! I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!
Needless to say, this Christmas and New Years is going to be celebrated in a way that I could never have imagined.
Unfortunately, we have been told that we will not have that much internet this month and so this might possibly be the last time you hear from me for a month. SOOO, on that note...
MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! Hope you all have a fabulous holidays with family and friends! LIVE IT UP FOR ME!! Christmas season is my favorite time of year.
Please keep my teammates and squad in your prayers. Specifically for safety, health, and unity.
December 13th, 20 years ago, a BEAUTIFUL girl was born. Her name is Jessie and she is my sister. I remember waiting at my grandma's house in expectation of the cool new thing that was being added to our family (no really, I do remember that). It was going to be fun! And then I realized that this new thing was loud and cried...all. the. time. I would plead with my mom to make her stop crying!! haha! Those were the days...
Okay, but now lets be serious.
In two days, my sister is turning the big 20!
No longer a teenager. KIND OF a big deal.
Jessica Diane Owens is the best sister a girl could ask for. I am SOOO thankful that God made her the way that she is.
Jess Bess, I love you more then words can say.
I love that you have a voice like an angel and are so passionate about singing and theater. That is definately something that God has gifted you in.
I love how you are so loving and compassionate towards kids and the people that are around you.
I love how you DIE laughing at the simplest of things. AND your laugh.
I LOVE how you love even if others don't love you back
I love our sister dates
I love when we get giddy together alone in the car over something exciting
I love when we belt songs together alone in the car
I love when we organize our presents at Christmastime together
I love when we dance and sing to I Want a Hippopautomas (yes, spelling mishap, I know) the day after Thanksgiving
Really, I could go on and on. Basically, I think you are perfect and I wouldn't wish you to be any other way besides how you are. SOOO, happy birthday sis all the way from Romania! Hope your day is simply perfectastic! I'll say hello to Simba, Nala and the gang in Africa for you! LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU!!!
Last Saturday, my team and a couple of others, brought groceries to families in the dump. Our contact has been doing this for the past ten years and we had the blessing of being apart of it! Even though we were in and out, those families have made a lasting impression on our hearts.
Before, our contact had told us a little about these people's lives. These families sort through trash in order to make a living, yet even when they turn the sorted trash in they have to pay a tax on it. Their jobs are in the dump because society does not accept them. They are rejected wherever they go. They are the untouchables.
We started to trek through the frost covered earth to our first house. It was freezing outside, STILL cold even with our gloves, layers, and hats on. As we went from house to house, houses that were made out of old rugs, tarps, and pieces of wood, we gave the adults the bags of food and the children stuffed animals.
And then we left.
During that time, I just remember being inwardly frustrated. We were literally dropping in, giving them the food, and dropping back out. There was so much that I wanted to do! I wanted to play with the adorable little girl whose smile lit up the cold day, or love on the woman whom was so pleased to share her few words of English she knew with us, or even just be girls with the teenage girl that I had the brief moment to hug. My heart wanted to love them and I felt like I didn't get the chance. They deserved to know that they are loved and SO worthy!
However, the Lord just reminded me that He still has His eye on them. He loves them so much more then I could ever possibly even attempt to. Even though I didn't get the chance to try to express how loved they are, the Lord could send someone else. He has not forgotten His children. His love and promises does not go to only a portion of us, but to ALL of us.
because the LORD has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion-
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair."
Isaiah 61:1-4
Many people believe that we must be out in the world in order to have a moving global impact. This could not be further from the truth. One of the main reasons I came on The World Race was to serve God's people and spread His love around the world. People often ask why I feel like I have to travel around the world to do such things. The truth is, I don't. However, I feel called to reach the neglected parts of the Nations that are crying out for God's love and mercy, but I don't doubt that we need just as much help in the U.S.
These past five months, I have met more people than I could count that have absolutely broken my heart. I don't hurt for them simply because they live in poverty or have challenges in their lives. My compassion is driven from a desire to give them unending hope and joy that we can only find in the Lord.
As you may have read in my last blog, Frozen Filth, we were given the opportunity to visit the Dump here in Romania. This is not the first time our hearts have been broken and frustrated out of compassion, and I can guarantee that it will not be the last.
The bottom line is, I am NOT satisfied to sit by and watch the world continue on in hopeless despair and destruction.
I know that I cannot alone love every orphan, feed every hungry mouth, free every captive, love every brokenhearted, give hope to every lost, and comfort all those who mourn, but that will not stop me from taking a stand.
The good news is that we are not alone in doing such things. The Lord calls us to take action, but He also calls us to present ALL of our requests to Him. Even if we could, as humans, end global poverty, where would that leave us? People may no longer be hungry, but would they truly be receiving a lasting impact? Would they still look to their Savior to provide? In praying for the people of the Nations, we recognize that our actions, although good and helpful, may not be sufficient. We serve a God that is MIGHTY, POWERFUL, and COMPASSIONATE! Where we cannot reach, He can move mountains!
These people are not just another statistic that can be read on the UNICEF website. They are God's children. Each and every one of them is a unique, beautiful, and blessed individual, so I'm asking you to JOIN US in taking a stand and making a difference in their lives.
This Sunday (Saturday for you all in the U.S.), we will be fasting from various things (food, internet, etc.), and we will be sleeping in our tents in the field to spend a night in solitude and prayer, fighting for those in need all around the world. We encourage you to fast with us in remembrance of those in need. This is not a day/night to spend in misery or guilt, but to remember God's promises for His children, and to ask Him to be present here in Romania, the United States, Canada, Africa, Asia, and all parts of the world!
If our loving God can move mountains, thenlet's ask Him to do it!
Check out the video for more information:
"Look at the nations and watch--and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told."
Habakkuk 1:5
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wonderful blog written by: Amanda Howard
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